Spam alert: John Woodhead is a hoaxer

No to spammers
No to spammers

Spam alert: John Woodhead 3 is a hoaxer

Fight fire with fire

I’ve been trying to sell my van via social media and allclassifieds for a few days, and the last time I did something like this, I got attention from a spammer.

But today as I was motoring down the Hume Highway, feeling good about the world and having a full-on sing, I pulled over to the side of the road in the Southern Highlands and read the text message that I thought might be a solution to off-loading my van.

What distracted me was the surname is the same as a very fine guitarist/vocalist friend, so sub-consciously I might have connected the two.

The text read:

I’m interested in d quick purchase of d car u advertised and i will like to know if the ad is still available. Please email me at ( John

Now, the savvy among you will already be rolling your eyes and looking to the heavens saying, ‘What was he thinking?’

Me? I blame the adults I know who actually write like this. They find their inner 14yo and text this way. They’ve de-sensitised me to the hoaxers.

So, I totally neglected to notice that there was no phone number on the text — I didn’t think that was possible.

Anyhoo, this idiot here wrote to him:

 Bill Quinn, 1:48 PM (6 hours ago)
to johnwoodhead3

Hi John

Yes, definitely still available.

Where are you, and is there anything you would like to know?

Bill Quinn

After doing that I realised that the phone number was missing on the text and feared what might happen next. Which was this:


Thanks for the prompt response.

Unfortunately, I lost the direct link to the advert on ebay as a result of a mandatory system update which my computer did which required it to be automatically restarted. I will be very grateful if you could send me the direct link for the advert again or possibly send me the ebay’s AdNumber as I will like to view the advert all over again.

Besides I will like to know if the car has had any mechanical faults or accidents in the past and I will be very glad to have more pix of it. Do as well advise on the least amount you will like to give the car away as I am very interested in its quick sale.

Due to the nature of my work, I will not be able to travel out of the United kingdom to come for the inspection. I will however be needing your city, state and postal code so that I can forward it to my shipping agent here in United kingdom who will be coming over there for the inspection and shipping of the car.

Thanks again and hope to hear from you soon..


A few things here. Well, two are really enough.

1. I never went near eBay.
2. Ye olde ‘I am overseas and am using an agent’.

It didn’t take much work to punch this out:

Bill Quinn, 3:31 PM (5 hours ago)
to John

Hi John

No problem.

Just send your bank account details and phone number to prove your identity and I’ll provide all that information you require and more.


Bill Quinn
Goulburn, NSW, Australia

D.o.b. 30/04/2012

I haven’t heard back from ‘John’, and I thought I’d cut my losses there and not follow up with what I wanted to say:

Hi John

I got one small detail wrong in my previous email. That’s not my correct date of birth.

I wasn’t born yesterday.

How’s the weather in Lagos?


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